Ass

by F.

One nice feature of WordPress.org is that you can see what search terms people used to find your blog.

I look at these from time to time and am consistently amazed both at what people search for as well as that those searches lead them to my little lemonade stand on the Internet, viz., Two Newtons.

For instance, “ass.”

I see that someone was searching for “ass” last week and came to my blog. Now, this says some interesting things about the searcher. For one, wouldn’t he or she think that “ass” might be—oh, I don’t know—just a little too general a term to get anything useful? How many hits were returned on that one? 5,239,924 or so? No, that number is probably too small. By an order of magnitude.

Another search was “getting smaller ass.” I hope the searcher found something useful at Two Newtons, though I think they were probably disappointed, as I don’t have any efficacious ass-reducing tips. Yet. Stay tuned.

I posted some thoughts on Oedipus Rex the other day. Someone found my post by searching for “fuck mother camera.” I hope they found my musings on will, fate, and dramatic irony useful in their search for pictures of mothers fucking. Or whatever it was they were searching for. I don’t want to think about it too hard.

Of course, I search for some crazy shit, too. Once Google asked me if I wanted my search results saved so future searches could be optimized.

As if.

And, more importantly, who am I to complain when a random search like “ass” brings readers to Two Newtons. Readers are readers, and I love and welcome you all. Ass searchers, smaller-ass searchers, camera-fuck-mother searchers—I love and welcome you!

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