“Cache”

by F.

Cache (i.e., Hidden) is highly suckacious. It is not worth two hours. It is not worth two minutes. If you are at Blockbuster and you find your hand moving toward the box, perhaps because it features Juliette Binoche, slap yourself. If you are updating your Netflix queue and are just about to click on “ADD,” stop. STEP AWAY FROM THE MOUSE.

Unfortunately, the movie is a thriller/mystery, so you may (like me) keep watching and keep watching and keep watching, waiting for a payoff. It does come, sort of, at the end, but you’re not quite sure—so the mystery at the heart of the story still lingers in your mind. Why anyone thought this movie was good is the real mystery.

dvd1.jpg

Even the characters know the movie sucks. Notice the subtitles above. In this scene, which I captured from the DVD, Georges, the protagonist, wants some fromage, but all the other character can talk about is how sucky the movie they are in is turning out to be.

After this scene comes another that is either about the Poissan distribution or some sort of fish dish—it wasn’t clear to me and the subtitles didn’t help.

dvd_binoch.jpg

Here are some representative quotes from the IMDB discussion boards:

Few films have left me feeling so gypped. What was the point of that final scene with the schoolyard steps? Did something happen? Should I have to scour the Internet for an explanation? Is this what constitutes a “good” movie in people’s minds? I could forgive the many lengthy and boring scenes if there was some kind of payoff. Or point. But I see neither.

And:

While I felt the building tension in the movie, I was very disappointed that the payoff was hidden in the closing scene. When I watch a movie, I like to be engrossed in the seamless course of it. I don’t want to have to go back and replay a scene several times to get at what the director intends, nor do I want to have to leave my couch, boot up the computer, and scan the internet for answers to my questions…. I have read the pseudo-intellectuals talk about spoon fed American endings…well at least there IS an ending.

And:

The last scene at the school yard shows the two sons talking, about what… Who KNOWS~! This movie is crap!

Basically, the story boils down to: “the protagonist did something bad in his past and it comes back to haunt him.” However, the pacing is so slow, and the dramatic tension so slack, that it’s hard to stay interested. I prefer my Ibsen straight up, thank you.

Advertisements