Sack on Chinese Toys

by F.

Brian Sack updates us on the latest recalled Chinese-made toys. Click through the link to get the full effect; if you can’t wait, here they are:

Little Mommy Play All Day Toddler Doll
Only plays half day before shooting strychnine spikes at your child.

Lightning McQueen Twin Race Car Bed
Bed implodes when exposed to FM radio waves.

Little Tikes Shopping Cart
Razor-sharp chlorine wheels release toxic gas when exposed to water.

Tekno Dog
Leads children to sockets.

Connect Four
Checkers smolder when exposed to youth.

The Farmer Says
Animals issue Fatwas.

Pretend and Play Doctor Kit
Breakable plastic pieces packaged in bird flu.

Fisher Price Chatter Telephone
Phone summons Chinese assassin.

Bedtime Dora The Explorer
Shouts in Spanish; convenes hastily-assembled tribunal prone to issuing death sentences.

Jay Jay Wooden Jet Plane
Crushes child’s windpipe when removed from packaging.